Maybe it’s me. Maybe I have spectacularly bad taste in men. Or maybe it’s because I travel. Apparently, finding love as a solo female traveller is pretty damn hard. All my friends back home are married with kids, or at least settled down with a cat or two, and I’ve been single for the past ten years. I am a 35-year-old woman who is smart, not bad looking, but can’t keep a relationship for more than a few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not perfect, but I can’t help but feel that the guys I meet need some help when it comes to dealing with a woman who travels.
I’ve met solo female travellers from all over the world who are single – some out of choice, and others for no real apparent reason. Over the years I have drawn my own conclusions about why we are single, and instead of having a Valentine’s Day dinner with our partners, why we’re more likely to be travelling, or at home planning our next trip! So guys, if you do meet a solo female traveller, a kick-ass independent woman who is more than happy to go it alone, to win her heart you’ll have to try a little harder than you would do usually. But trust me, we’re worth it! Here are some tips to help you date a woman who travels:
Accept our Independence
Solo female travellers are just that; solo. We are used to going it alone, navigating cities and oceans by ourselves, without relying on someone else for help. That could cause problems as we find it difficult to cede control to someone else, and potential partners could be put off as they’re afraid that we don’t need them. So, what if we don’t NEED you? Surely if we want to be with you that is so much better than needing to be with you? Desire beats necessity in my book – do I need that chocolate cake or that third glass of wine? Of course not, but I sure as hell want it!
Give Her Space
Solo female travellers are used to being alone, and although one of the joys of being in a relationship is sharing things together, be sure to make time to do things alone too. That’s true of any relationship, but especially so with a woman who travels. If she wants to go out with her friends on Friday night, so be it – you can have a night out with the boys. Or if she just fancies an afternoon in peace then you enjoy your time alone too.
Don’t be a Dick
Again, applicable to all relationships, but with a woman who travels, trust is even more vital. When she is travelling, she’ll want to know that wherever you are, you are being faithful. And that means no sexting, no tinder, no sleeping with other women, or otherwise fooling around, unless you both agree that it is ok. Likewise, you’ll have to trust that she is doing the same thing – which can be tough for any long-distance relationship.
Relationships aren’t easy. And relationships with a woman who travels is that bit more complicated. If at any point you feel that something isn’t working, then talk to her about it. Nip the issue in the bud and deal with it quickly, before it blows out of proportion. If you spend a lot of your relationship texting, remember that the real meaning of text messages doesn’t often come across, so misunderstandings happen easily. Pick up the phone, or skype, and talk to each other. Luckily with smartphones and wifi almost everywhere this has made long distance relationships easier – at least you don’t have to wait weeks for a letter back!
Up Your Gift Buying Game
On Valentine’s Day, birthdays, Christmas etc, the usual gifts or treats of romantic dinners, flowers, or chocolates, are definitely appreciated – but you could do so much better. Think surprise tickets to see her favourite band or theatre production, a weekend trip for her birthday, cute passport holders for a stocking filler. If money is tight then make a gift. Think outside the box – we value experiences over material things, and that’s why we’d rather travel than spend money on home décor.
Chances are if you are with a woman who travels, you probably enjoy travel too. It is great to share stories of your solo adventures, and now you can take a trip together! Be flexible to each other’s ideas of what travelling entails, and if you’re not into hiking and she loves it, maybe try it out for a day and see what you think. It’s amazing how much more you like something when your partner shows a passion for it! Maybe take it in turns to plan the itineraries, so you both get equal control.
Don’t Pressure Her to Stop Travelling
There will come a time when she is ready to settle down. Maybe. Or maybe not. The key is that it has to be her decision – if you force her to choose between you and travel, either she will resent you for making her stay, or she will just leave. Accept that this is such a huge part of her life, but see point one – she wants to be with you, so when you are together, enjoy it.
Do What Makes You Happy
This applies to all relationships. Being with a woman who travels has many challenges, but if you can handle it, then she will open your eyes to a new way of living. But if it doesn’t work, sometimes it is better to let her go and live her life, than to make each other miserable. If either one of you is unhappy in the relationship, then that is toxic to you both. So if you decide you want to break it off, then tell her sooner rather than later so you both have more chance of meeting someone else who will make you happy.
Are you a solo female (or male!) traveller who has found love on the road? Do you have any more tips to help potential partners to accept our travelling lifestyle? I’d love to hear your comments below. In the meantime, happy Valentine’s day, no matter how you are spending it!
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Tales of a Backpacker is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. I only recommend goods and services I believe are useful and reliable.Last updated: February 13, 2018